Astrology

I'm not a huge believer in astrology. I read my horoscope occassionally for fun. Sometimes, it can be eerily on the money. Sometimes, it's so far off as to be laughable. Recently, though, a friend loaned me a book about astrology. In this book, there are personality profiles for each of the astrological signs AND their Chinese astrology counterparts.

I am a Libra in western astrology. I was born the year of the Snake. The combined profile made for quite an interesting read, to say the least. Actually, parts of it sent chills skittering down my spine. I've decided to share with you an edited version of my profile, in hopes of giving you some insight into me.
Enjoy.

The Libra Snake

Magnetism personified. The Libra born in a Snake year will, above all, attract. This combination is a mostly happy one. People born under this sign may be less so. This is because they are not only irresistible; they are also stubborn and willful. They want things done their way, and like to order others around subtly. Often, things are done for them, their way, by willing lackeys. These people have charisma to burn. Libran Snakes rule others through emotion. They are capable of sensing exactly what another needs from them. They are remarkably perceptive and even have a gift for the supernatural. Librans born in Snake years know how to exalt an audience with their cool, reasonable yet emphatically sentimental discourse. These people are born to serve as shepherds of human flocks, moralizers and brotherhood mongers. There is a Saint Valentine quality about the Libra born Snake person. A lacy, heart- shaped, whimsical yet meaningful self that always shines through.

Taking up causes is, in the case of Libran Snakes, always performed in the most graceful and non-violent way. Libra/Snake wants to reason with danger, to talk over differences, to discuss the peace arrangements. Then he will make a touching speech on the subject, and more people will collapse at his feet. Libra/Snake doesn’t have to overpower. All he has to do is attract.

Can you see me blushing yet?
No?
Oh well, I didn't read modesty or humility in here anywhere yet.

One quality that the Libra/Snake possesses and frequently uses in his or her profession is humanitarianism. The Libra side of this person’s character wants justice for all. The Snake is kindness itself, always compassionate and understanding, willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. The two signs together create a being of enormous altruism, who is not afraid to do something about hunger or poverty or injustice.

These subjects are all love and sensuality, sexiness and grand romance. Of course, they are too gorgeous to be forever faithful to one person. Do what? Hey, I resent that. But they are definitely devoted mates in every other way. Too, Libra/Snakes, for all of their beauty and languor, can be a lot of fun. They are mischievous, a little zany, and they know how to laugh at themselves. If you are attracted to one of these miracles of charm, I suggest you adopt his or her ideals immediately. You will be needing all the patience and pacifism you can get when your Libra/Snake goes off on a tour of African hunger areas without you, leaving you home to keep the kids alive. You will need great personal fortitude and lots of dignity to walk beside your beloved Libra/Snake. Keep your nose in the air and don’t give that adoring crowd the time of day.

You will be welcome at the Libra/Snake’s home, too. Feel free to drop in any time. BYOB please. There’s always enough room for a few more uninvited guests. The Libra/Snake will want to have lots of children. I thinks 'wants' is a little too strong of a word here. This character enjoys caretaking and protecting others. He or she may, for this reason, mollycoddle a bit too much and hover anxiously over his sleeping bambinos. But when they awaken they will be in for a good time. Libra/Snake parents bedazzle their kids the same way they enchant everyone else.

By nature, the Libra/Snake is a leader of men. But he or she is non-competitive and wants no part of belligerence. The gift here is attractiveness. People willingly revere this subject, hang on his every word and long to be like him or her. Misused, this talent can, of course, be extremely dangerous. The Force is strong in this one. Feel the pow-ah of the Dark Side! But as the Libra/Snake is not so power-hungry as he is willing to take the reins if they are given him, there is less danger here than may be feared. Well, damn. That's a buzzkill. The Libra/Snake does not take well to subordination. It’s not that he or she cannot understand the need for humility, but that the underling station annoys them. They know they can run the show, so they wonder why somebody doesn’t just hang a sign on their door saying "Boss." Exactly. But they don’t misuse power as a rule, and are as conscientious as those who work with them. Libra/Snakes make excellent partners for less charismatic people who know how to do earthly things like add and subtract and pay their taxes. Libra/Snakes want top billing but don’t rankle at sharing the profits.

The Trash Fairy

It is 1:05 a.m. and as I sit here, mindlessly surfing the net out of boredom and insomnia, what should catch my eye? The trash can in the kitchen.... its gleaming stainless steel exterior mocking me with its sticky fingerprints and overflowing refuse.

Yeah, I see you. Now shut up.

Am I the only person in this house who knows the mechanics involved in changing out the trash bag?
It seems like a simple enough process.
Pick the full one up and out, give 'er a spin and tie it up. Insert new bag. Boom. Done.

But no.
That is apparently just too complicated and time-consuming for this household.
Better to keep packing it in, until it flows over the top and tumbles to the floor.
That's ok, dear. Momma will pick it up. I have nothing better to do. I need the excercise anyway, right? *sigh*

Maybe, if I ignore it, and wish hard enough, the housecleaning fairy will come tonight.
Please, oh please, come visit me!
Oh, and if you could hit the bathroom with your magic wand on the way out, I'll be much obliged.